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My pathetic fight

#ART... 

I do not deserve happiness, within me I know it. 
Help has been thrown my way. 
Yet, with ingratitude, I have greeted it 
I do not deserve to smile yet, I pretend to always make the best of every moment 
I am a liar, a crook and a thief 
I have hurt and when favour got returned, I felt worse 
I know what the past was like and every time I am reminded of it, I blame it on others 
Within me, I know I have an ego, a selfish ego, and with my stupid words, "I am proud", I never try to hide it 
From those who have tried to fix me, I have drawn blood
Blood from a silent and hurt soul 
I have memories from the future, painted by visions from a past I never knew. 
I know I am treading on a path of destruction. Yet, never for once do I try to fight it 
The little fight I think I put up, is pathetic 
I do not deserve to be happy why do lies flow so easily down my lips? 
I claim to have principles. Yet, within me, I am aware it is only a plot to gain respect-respect I do not deserve 
So much hope has been placed on me and with silent disappointment, I have calmly greeted it all. 
I expect so much, but I give so little to even be called insignificant 
I comfort myself with words and use my speech against many in silent mockery 
I despise, knowing I am despised, knowing my opinions should not count 
I am a liar, a thief and a crook, a mistake. 
I was born in the past, I ravished in every moment and have had memories from a future I knew nothing of 
I have seen what it holds-that it could be nothing pleasant. 
Yet, I put up a fight, a pathetic fight
I do not deserve happiness, within me I know it.... Or do I??

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